All my insecurities are nagging at me (Not good enough! Never good enough! And you're ugly too!). I'm doing my best to ignore them and focus on what this is about: making themed photos, and finishing the challenge.

Day 03: Clouds:



Here in the Netherlands we're having the worst summer in a long, long time. I wasn't able to take a photo of actual clouds, since the sky over Amsterdam has been a sullen, flat gray for weeks. What to do? This was the solution I came up with.

My latest obsession is the image aggregate website Pinterest. There's a lot of goop there (weddings! jesus! thinspiration!), but also a ton of really beautiful and truly inspirational stuff. One of the things I found was this photography challenge. 30 subjects, 30 days.

Of course I'm cheating adapting and won't shoot 1 picture a day, this is my first time making photos using a prescribed theme so that is plenty of novelty. This is also why I'm not trying to cram every possible personal challenge in there at once. I'm making pix of my own stuff, in my own home. Stuff I made pix of before, yes, but a new one especially for this challenge. The photo doesn't have to be a revolutionary masterpiece either. It's supposed to be a fun, creative project. No overthinking. I will try to post 1 a day for 30 days.

Day 01: Selfportrait:



Of course this is a giant cliché, but I thought it was kinda amusing to do it for the kick-off anyway. The books in the background are a reflection of my interests (reflection, get it? i r so clevar.) (It's going to be a long month.) Also, if you throw stuff willy nilly in a pan with hot oil it will splash on your arm and burn you.

2 updates on delfault.

One for Luc, one for Ng ye. Two things: there is one more new outfit Ng ye has that needs photos, and Élie really need an entry. He's still alive, he's wearing new clothes too, but pix just haven't happened yet.

From bob_fish.

Yeah, it always comes down to that pesky: do you blindly and unquestioningly obey orders from whoever claims to be a higher power?

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)	High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very High
Level 7 (Violent)	Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	High

Take the Dante's Inferno Test

In December had commissioned art for my WoW main, Troll Shaman Skagerak. This was quite a while ago, and I was no longer sure it would be made at all. Lo! Today in the mail!

( Pretty! Cute! )

x-posted on wow_doth

(With apologies to the doll phobics on my flist, I hope you can forgive this special occasion!)

My Volks F16, Luc, arrived today, and even though he was bought 2ndhand, I did an unpacking photo-shoot. By the time this was done, and he looked presentable, the light had vanished so I don't have any actual nice pix. Yet.

This was the best I could do, his hair is an absolute mess:



( And here is the unpacking )

It's this week and so I'm making a little post in my personal journal. Hi, I am Stella, and I identify as asexual :)

(This post gets pretty personal. Reader beware.)

I'm still not entirely sure if asexuality actually exists as an orientation or if there is something "wrong" with me, but I am happy to embrace the label.

After many years of feeling pressured into pursuing a relationship, I feel liberated by not having to bother anymore. It has taken me a long time, but I now see I have always only looked for a relationship with all the trims because that is what you do.

From a very early age I just did not get why my girlfriends turned giggly and weird around boys, and boys acted all strange and gruff when I just wanted to play! A little later I felt truly alienated when boys and girls started pursuing each other in earnest, and I didn't feel any need to join in. To fit in I made a few half hearted attempts that did not lead to anything. I basically chose a random boy and hung around him for a bit. Again a little later I assumed I was a lesbian. That was a relief for a very short time, a solution, but it turned out the same lack of interest and attraction persisted.

I had sex. With a man. I really, really wanted it, out of curiosity, and desperation to feel normal, for once. I was 30. It was boring. I was elated to be doing it, being able to have sex and, see, normal! But it went on and on, and halfway through I felt like I now had done it, and was done tyvm, and gods, how long was this going to take?! The Bloodhoung Gang lyrics "And we'll do it doggy style so we can both watch X files" made a lot of sense ;p I never bothered again.

So that's my story :)

Yay! I have arranged to buy a new BJD, a 2nd hand Volks F16.

I decided this was a better choice right now than the FCS option. Current plan is to go on vacation to Japan next year and I want to use the money I'm saving now (which is not all that much, but still) to spend in the Volks stores we are going to visit! Luc should be here by the end of September, and I may send him out for a new face up but I haven't decided yet. Choices, choices.

So I'm spending more time on the BJD forum right now and thinking about BJD hence this post.

What happened while I was dealing with this was that coworkers (people who you spend an awful lot of time with) at first always assume Élie is a girl, because all dolls are girls. And he has shoulder length hair. Once we finally establish that he is a boy, complete with picture of his boy part, we get to the point where the next doll automatically is going to be a girl because I must want a girlfriend for him. Nooooo, the next one is going to be another boy. Okay, this is where the coworkers stop asking. I leave it at that because I don't care to talk about my gay dolls with my coworkers ;p The stereotypical assumptions are boring and disappointing but not surprising.

Some do come up with that my male doll must be MY boyfriend. Because I am single. Though they probably mean it as a joke. I hope. This freaks me out a little because I don't mind being eccentric, but I don't like to be thought of as certifiable. And relationship talk about me always flusters me because I don't want to talk with my coworkers about my sexuality (which is none).

My friends know me better and are my friends because they have slightly broader ideas about sexuality and gender. They assume that Luc is going to be Élie's boyfriend. Because there does HAVE to be a relationship. As a committedly single woman I resent that.

But the reason that the boys are not going to be in a sexual relationship is not one I'm going to explain to the real life people. You see, both my dolls are uke. I can't imagine a seme doll. And 2 ukes, that just does not make sense, there is no spark. I am a sad stereotypical BL fangirl *hangs head*

So, it looks like I just maaaay be in the market for a new BJD in a few months. My coworker, who went with me and midnightbanshee to the dollshops in HK sort of suggested that I might get a girl if the funds where there, and that just flamed the desire. Not kidding, I'm obssessed. Not a girl, a second boy, and of all the models I have lusted after in the past couple of years there is one that immediately jumped forward: the Volks FCS. Ooh-aar.

After checking the options over and over again I started sketching him. This is the current state of things:



I will refine this as time goes on and in September I'll make the final decision.

So, in December I got a bonus and decided to splurge on a new handheld. I'd wanted the Zelda Limited Edition Nintendo DS for years now and they are very hard to find. I found one on the amazon.co.uk marketplace, second hand and the condition was decribed as "used but good" with an asking price of what is is basically a new DS but since it's a LE I thought that was fine and a little used would be fine too, right?

HA! A week later I received this thing in the mail and it was a piece of thrash! OMG. I buy a lot of stuff online (don't get me started of the crap selection that is available in the stores here) and I have never come across something like this! I went to the site and messaged the seller that this is unacceptable and I want to return it and get my money back.

I got a reply the same evening: I had obviously misunderstood the condition and how dare I describe it as damaged. They had good feedback so it was a fair sale. Um no. I replied again that I was not satisfied and wanted to return it. No reply. So I mailed customer service and opened a claim.

On the day there was supposed to be a resolution for the claim I got another message from the seller with their address. And not a single word else. I deduced that I was to send back the POS, which I have done. But not before making some photos of the damage in all it's gory glory and I wanted to share this with the world.

I'm tracking the package and expect to have to talk to Amazon's customer service again in a little while. Because I do not believe the seller is of good faith at all. They're trying to rip me off and it's not happening. Grrr ;p